So This Is Christmas
by Chris7221
Summary: A Christmas special. Shepard and her crew end up on Earth, with the universe seeming to do everything to prevent them from enjoying some holiday cheer. Maybe some OCs, maybe some crossovers later. Now a Stargate cross.
1. December 14

So, I decided to do another Christmas special, just like last year, except a little less (or more) insane this time. I wanted to use some of my OCs for this, but unfortunately none of them are really developed enough, so don't expect to see them in anything but cameo roles.

It's Mass Effect... and some crossover. Keep in mind this is just something I'm doing for a bit of fun and holiday cheer, it's not a serious work by any means.

**December 14, 2187**

"Come on, Shepard! The war is over, we won!"

The answer was an unintelligable slew of words and a loud bump from within the Commander's cabin.

He sighed the turian equivalent of a sigh, which wasn't all that different except for the warbling subharmonics. "Damn it Shepard, we're an hour away from Earth."

There was a muffled reply which he couldn't make out. He turian-sighed again.

It was almost exactly a year since the Reaper War had ended. There was a ceremony on Earth- on the site of the beam that he had almost died charging towards- to commemorate the end of the war. Shepard and Anderson were the only two that made it, and Anderson passed out almost immediately after. All they knew is that a pulse of red energy emerged from the Citadel and obliterated the Reapers- along with the Charon Relay. Across the galaxy, the Reapers withered and died.

It took months just to re-establish communications- with the Mass Relays gone, the galaxy's civilizations were forced to make drastic leaps and bounds in FTL technology to survive. Much of the galaxy's population, and almost all of its military might- was concentrated around the ruined Earth.

Shepard didn't say anything about what happened on the Citadel for months afterwards. When she finally opened up, she was cryptic, mentioning a master-AI Catalyst. Garrus understood enough to know he didn't like what he heard.

It had been a hard year, and they were still rebuilding- those who were left. Thane, Legion, Mordin- he still saw them in his dreams, and he was sure it was a thousand times worse for Shepard. When he saw Palaven, he broke down and cried.

Shepard saw Earth every day and never wept a single tear.

Another turian sigh. "Shepard, you have to move on. We have to move on. If you can't, the galaxy can't either."

The door slid open, revealing a rather dishevelled Shepard. Her reddish-brown hair was long and messy, and her usually piercing green eyes were a shade duller. Her Alliance uniform had its creases in all the wrong places, and was missing several pieces of insignia. "Damn it, Vakarian."

She managed a weak smile. "I know I have to let go of it at some point. I know there's still a ways to go, I know... but damn it, Vakarian, can't a girl have her beauty sleep?"

"Beauty... sleep?"

"Didn't Tali tell you about that?" Shepard asked, motioning Garrus inside and handing him a bottle of turian whiskey.

He cracked it open and poured a small quantity into a waiting glass. "Nope. Quarians don't have them, apparently. Something about strict sleep schedules, keeping the fleet running efficiently. Guess they don't have to worry about that anymore."

"Nope," Shepard replied, raising her own glass. "To Legion. To those we lost."

He clinked his glass against hers and swigged its contents, feeling the comforting fire burn his throat. Shepard did the same with her beverage, something called 'bodka' if he remembered correctly. They sat together in silence, pondering their thoughts.

"It's not the Reapers," Shepard finally admitted, her slender finger tracing the edge of the glass. "Well, I mean, them too, I never stop thinking about the War, but it's not just that. It's just... well... it's Christmas."

"Christmas?"

She corrected herself. "Xmas. Sorry, old habit. A lot of people still call it Christmas."

"Ah." Garrus spread his mandibles in the turian equivalent of a grin.

"I know, I know. What's not to love? Exchange gifts, sit by the fire, get drunk off our asses." She leaned forward, leering seductively at the turian.

"Shepard, I'm a married... turian!" He waved his wrist, with its two iridescent linked bracelets, in front of her face.

"Hah!" Shepard shared a laugh. "Damn, Vakarian, with all the visits you've been making, I wonder if Tali thinks you've been cheating on her."

He shook his head. "Nah. She adores you, thinks you can do no wrong. The great Captain Shepard."

After the burst of merriment was another bout of silence that Shepard finally interrupted. "No, I never did like the Christmas season. It seems all the bad shit happens to me around Christmastime."

"Mind sharing with an old friend? Maybe help take a load off your shoulders?"

She poured herself a drink, and Garrus did the same. "Mindoir. Parents killed, friends killed, everyone I knew killed. November twenty-second, just as the Xmas season starts getting into swing. I don't remember much, Garrus, I really don't. I don't know if it's trauma or injury or a subconscious thing, but I don't remember much. One of the things I remember is the mall... Santa and his dwarves in pools of their own blood."

Garrus gulped down his shot and poured another. Shepard sighed. "Elysium. Boxing day. You know the story- as fucked up as it is. There was one guy I dragged onto the evacuation shuttle. We're being shot at, and here's this dumbass, bitching about missing the sales. I guess it wasn't all his fault, I mean, he did get hit on the head pretty hard."

Another drink. "Collectors, nope, that was more around Halloween. Oh! There's Bahak. That was around... what, mid-December? I think that's about right. And then the Reaper War."

"So, yeah, Garrus, I hate Xmas, because this is when all the bad-"

A sudden jolt nearly threw them off their feet. Shepard bolted upright. "What the hell was that?"

Joker's voice came over the comm. "Uh, we just dropped out of FTL, and I didn't do it. Hey, we're in Earth- oh shit."

"The Normandy is on a collision course for Earth," EDI finished. "Main engines are offline. I cannot prevent our impact."

"Fuck." Shepard was already putting on her armour, and the speed in which she did it still impressed Garrus. She stripped completely naked, exposing those strange bumps that Tali also had, though the quarian's were more pronounced and- stop thinking that, Vakarian!

"I thought you were a married turian?" Shepard quipped, bounding out the door and down the staircase into the CIC (the elevator was, thankfully, gone). The ship was shaking violently, and she knew they were beginning to enter the atmosphere.

She dashed into the cockpit, Garrus in tow. "Joker, what the hell is going on?"

"I don't know, Commander, we just dropped out really close to Earth, like way too damn close, and the engines aren't responding, and shit!"

Gently, she rested a hand on the pilot's shoulder. "Take her down as easy as you can, Joker."


	2. December 15

No love for this story?

* * *

Shepard shakily picked herself up off the floor, dusting herself off. "What's our status?"

"I think I broke a rib... or all of them," Joker announced from his chair, clearly in pain. "I tried to bring her down gently... but I don't think the old girl will ever fly again."

"That is not all," the gynoid form of EDI reported from beside him. "Based on local radio broadcasts, imagery captured from before the crash, and the composition of the atmosphere, I have come to the conclusion that this is Earth, but nearly two centuries in the past. If local transmissions are to believed, the current date is December 15, 2012."

**December 15, 2012**

"That fast?" Garrus asked, still trying to process the information.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Shepard asked, a little more bluntly. Her own mind was struggling, but not as much as she thought it should, and that scared her. Darkly, she realized that coming back from the dead kind of made everything else seem mundane by comparison.

"That was not a joke, Shepard."

"Are you sure?"

"Though I can never be certain, I estimate the probability of my conclusion being correct as ninety-nine percent."

"Where are we, exactly?" she asked next, as the CIC crew began to murmur quietly among themselves.

"I am unable to pinpoint our exact location," EDI replied. "However, I estimate we are currently within the central United North American States. Assuming my date estimation is correct, this geographical area is currently referred to as Utah."

"Damn it." Shepard tore off her helmet, letting it dangle loosely in her hand. If they could give themselves an edge against the- no, they couldn't interfere. If there was one thing she learned from B-vids, it was that the timeline was sensitive, not to be messed with. They could make things much, much worse. "We can't interfere. We have to hide."

"Our mere arrival has already irrevocably altered the timeline, Shepard," EDI told her, flat synthetic voice slightly tinged with emotion.

"Then we have to minimize the damage."

"Shepard, the Normandy's a frigate," Garrus told her. "How the hell are we going to hide that?"

She sighed. "We can't. We have to take everything we can, destroy what we can't, and what we can't destroy or take with us... well, let's just hope nobody figures it out."

"Shepard, think about this," the turian urged. "We could give ourselves an advantage against the Reapers early. With a few hundred extra years of preparation-"

"Or we could screw everything up! Garrus, I know what you're thinking, and I don't disagree. Maybe after the dust has settled, we can consider altering the timeline gently. But for now, we have to keep as low a profile as possible."

Garrus nodded in understanding.

"Is the intecom system still working?" EDI nodded. "Put me on."

"This is Commander Shepard speaking. This is going to sound crazy, but crazier things have happened. We have crash-landed on Earth, and the Normandy will likely never fly again. That's not the craziest part. EDI has concluded with a ninety-nine percent certainty that the current date is December 15, 2012. We have landed over a century and a half in the past.

"What I'm about to ask you to do will be hard for all of us, but I must stress the importance of keeping our unintentional interference to a minimum. Starting immediately, all hands are to prepare to abandon ship, with a few special considerations. Dextro rations are to be prioritized absolutely over levo rations. We can get apples here, but we can't get Palaven wheat. Garrus Vakarian will be heading the evacuation effort. Additionally, the engineering crew is to remove as much advanced technology as possible and either prep it for transport or destroy it. Tali'Zorah will be in charge- strip the Normandy clean.

"Miranda Lawson, Oriana Lawson, Lieutenant Commander Williams, Miz Goto, and Jacob Taylor, report to the cargo bay immediately. We'll be securing transport to get as far away from here as quickly as possible.

"I have faith in all your abilities. We will pull through this, one way or another. This is not the end. Thank you. You all know what to do, let's get to it."

* * *

Thankfully, they had landed in the middle of the night, affording them some degree of concealment. Unfortunately, the darkness was the only concealment- they had landed in the middle of a desert. It was, however, empty for the moment.

"What's that, Shep?" Kasumi asked as they crept toward the small building. A sheltered area was directly in front of the building, with several pieces of unidentified machinery below it. Several crude-looking vehicles were parked outside the building. A large sign with consisting of a white star on a red background proclaimed in large letters 'Texaco'. "A parking station for aircars?"

"No," Shepard told her, her eyes panning across the few surrounding buildings. What looked like a diner and something called a 'Motel', along with a lone house. "But it'll do. Come on, let's go."

Eyeing the sign listing the prices for gasoline, Miranda commented, "Well, I suppose EDI was right. Nobody's used gasoline for over a hundred years."

Shepard turned to her team. "All right, you all know how to drive, right?"

"Uh..."

"It's not that different from an aircar. Just... two dimensions. And no autopilot. Okay, so it's a lot different. But it's not that hard, trust me. Just follow my lead and you should be okay."

"And you know how to drive these relics how, Commander?" Williams asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I chased after Saren in the Mako, you know that. The principle's the same." Not allowing any further objections, she motioned toward the building. "Kasumi?"

"What am I looking for, Shep?" the thief asked, instantly understanding what she meant.

"A map."

"Now, how do you get into these damn things?" Shepard mused, more to herself than anyone. She brought up her omni-tool, but found nothing to hack. Shrugging, she grabbed the door of the nearest vehicle- a green pickup truck- and pulled on it. After a few successively harder tugs, it came away in her hand.

"I guess that works."

* * *

"Ory, you're overcorrecting. Small, gentle movements!" Shepard heard Miranda shout over the comm system. She jerked the wheel to the left, the van tilting dangerously at her sudden movement. "And Shepard, you're worse!"

"This thing handles a little different than the Mako!" They had decided to leave the green pickup truck with the missing door, finding easier methods to get inside the vehicles. Kasumi gracefully picked several of the locks, and Shepard had smashed in the van's window. After that, it was a simple matter of rewiring the vehicles to start them, although it had taken her a minute to remember which colour of wire meant what.

And then there was the idiot that left the keys in the car. And the one that had an alarm that probably woke up everyone in the little rest stop, giving them an extra incentive to get moving.

But they came away with a dozen vehicles, more than enough to evacuate the crew. They would have to switch later, of course- Shepard was pretty sure they had just introduced trackers and it never hurt to be careful.

"Commander, with all due respect, you couldn't drive the Mako either!" Williams quipped, though she was also having trouble with her pickup truck.

"We're almost there," Shepard announced, now all business. "Bring the vehicles around to the cargo bay. We'll load up and get the hell out of here."

* * *

"Well, no aliens yet, but I think they stole about a dozen cars." the man asked over the (secure) phone. His hair was dark and trimmed short, and the leather jacket on his shoulders did a good job of hiding his muscular frame. "What do you want us to do about it?"

"Just keep observing for now," a female voice replied. "Response teams will be there within a few hours. Thankfully, it's a deserted area, so there was nobody around to see it up close."

"Going with the good ol' 'meteor impact'?"

"It's the best we've got. The security's going to be a little suspicious, but a few conspiracy theories is better than putting everything out in the open."

"Gotcha." He flipped the phone shut and turned to the rest of his team. "Come on. Let's roll."


	3. December 16

Still no interest? Am I too early or does this just suck?

**December 16, 2012**

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Garrus asked from his position beside Shepard.

"No," she replied. "But we've been travelling for almost a day. Jacob's falling asleep, and Joker's taken so many stims he's bouncing off the walls... well, he would be if there were walls, and if it wouldn't break him in half."

"I hope you have a plan B."

"Always do, Vakarian." She turned toward an out-of-place shadow on the pavement. "Kasumi, remember the plan?"

"Of course, Shep," replied a quiet, accented voice, seemingly out of nowhere. "Stay silent, in the shadows, unless you mention a Mister Hock. Then I knock out everyone and we bolt."

"Good." Silently, the two walked toward the establishment, another dingy little 'Motel', whatever that meant. The way Shepard understood it, it was a place where travellers could rest for the night. Of course, their intelligence was limited to a few paragraphs out of an encyclopedia.

"Here goes nothing," she whispered, entering the lobby through a creaky steel door.

Immediately, before he even had a chance to speak, she decided that she did not like the receptionist. He was a short, obese man, with messy curls of black hair and emitting a slight odour of alcohol and a not-so-slight body odour. He leered at her. "Hi, what can I do you for?"

The double entendre was clearly deliberate, and very poorly executed. Shepard was far more concerned conditioning her body for combat than making herself look pretty. She was tall, with thick arms and legs and broad, muscular shoulders. Her reddish-brown hair was cut short, and a faint scar ran across her forehead. The long coat that _mostly_ covered her N7 armour certainly didn't help any.

"I need some rooms for the night. How many do you have available?"

"Let's see." He checked the computer, which looked like it was two hundred years old- _because it _is_ two hundred years old_, she reminded herself. "I have eleven rooms, five smoking, six non-smoking. Each has two beds, a TV, a fridge and a coffee maker."

He leaned forward uncomfortably. "Of course, there are _other_ options available."

At this point, Shepard was seriously considering shouting "Donovan Hock" at the top of her lungs or just smashing her fist into his face. "No thanks. I'll take just the rooms."

"All right." He sounded genuinely dejected. "That'll be... eh, let's just call it a clean thousand. You can pay a deposit or the whole thing now. Either way, I'll need ID and a credit card."

She tossed an Idaho driver's license and a Bank of America MasterCard on the desk. The credit card was real, but the driver's license was a flash-fabricated fake, altered to include Shepard's face. The man took the card and tried to run it through the machine. "Huh, that's weird."

"Is there are problem?" Shepard asked, a hint of false worry in her voice.

"The damn credit machine isn't working again. I'm gonna have to take a manual imprint." Just when she thought things couldn't get any more medieval, the clerk produced a large rectangular machine. He inserted the card and, with a loud _clunk-clunk_ sound, transferred its embossed numbers to a sheet of paper. He handed the form to Shepard. "Sign here."

She picked up the slender pen, which had an actual ball point and actual ink and probably didn't cost a thousand credits. At least, it didn't feel like it cost that much- if it did, she would feel awfully ripped off. She signed the form as indicated- not with her own signature, but with the illegible flowery script of Amelia Singer.

"Thank you." The man handed her a dozen keys- _actual keys_. She suppressed the feeling of novelty again. Even Omega wasn't that crude.

* * *

"We got a hit," the agent stated, sliding into the passenger seat of the black sedan. He handed his partner a coffee, keeping the other for himself. "Credit card belonging to Amelia Singer used at a motel just outside Grantsville."

The driver shook his head. "Why would she use her own credit card? Either she's slipping-"

"-or it's a trap. I know." As they pulled out of the coffee shop parking lot, he sipped his coffee. "Backup's on the way, but there's no guarantee they'll get there before she skedaddles. This is our best chance to put her behind bars."

"And if we get shot and she gets away? What then, Barry? What the fuck then?"

"Look, we can go in nice and quiet, see what she's up to. If the place is crawling with armed thugs, we back out and wait for the cavalry. It's that simple. She's an arms dealer, not an assassin."

"That doesn't mean she's an easy target!"

Barry sighed. "I know. But... Mexico, Colombia, hell, even Afghanistan and probably North Korea. We've known about her for a year and haven't done shit about it. No wonder everyone thinks the ATF is a bunch of useless gun-grabbing Nazis!"

"Shouldn't we ask the boss?"

"We ask the boss, they file a shitload of paperwork and the bitch gets away. This is our chance. Remember, catching an international arms dealer looks good to the guys that decide who gets promoted and who doesn't."

The driver reluctantly nodded. He could really use the money. "Okay. But if things are even a little bit... weird, we're leaving. Deal?"

"Deal."

* * *

Predictably, their rooms were separated, spread around the small motel. Ever the organized Commander, Shepard made sure that each room had at least one human and at least one person she trusted. Once things had been sorted out, they had retired for the night. The plan was to get up and go before the sun came back up, giving them about eight hours of sleep if her calculations were right.

Shepard only got about five of them. The soldier in her was trained to be ever vigilant, always aware of potential threats. The first light tap on the door woke her from her slumber. She bolted upright and threw on her jacket. Her hand hung loosely by her hip, or rather the pistol magnetically attached to it.

"Open up! Federal agents!"

She turned to Garrus. "Well, shit."

* * *

A hundred metres away, inside a dark-coloured SUV, the man in the leather jacket flipped open his cell phone. He dialled the same number. "Sam, we've got a problem."


	4. December 17

**December 17, 2012**

"Fuck it." Barry kicked in the door and stormed into the room, with the other agent right behind him.

"On the ground! Hands behind your head!" Dan shouted, training his gun at the woman. The last time he checked, Amelia had brown hair, but she could have dyed it. He also thought she was a bit slimmer, but maybe she just lied about her weight.

"That's not her," Barry whispered in his ear.

The woman stood her ground, left hand on her right arm, hanging casually by her side. "What the hell is going on?"

"On the goddamn ground!" Dan shouted again. He noticed the two men in the corner and motioned with his gun. "You, too, on the fucking ground, hands behind your fucking head! Barry, search the bathroom."

As his partner moved away, toward the small bathroom, he asked, "Are you Amelia Singer?"

"No."

He kept his finger on the trigger. "Then who the fuck are you?"

"Shepard. Jane Shepard."

"I play videogames, don't lie to me you fucking bitch!" He turned toward the bathroom. "Barry, are you fucking done yet? I wanna arrest this bitch and get the-"

An ear-piercing scream filled the room, followed closely by a buzz, an electric crack, a bit of smoke and a hint of ozone.

Like a bolt of lightning, the red-headed woman moved. She dove at the agent's legs, below his gun, tackling him to the ground. With surprising strength, she tore the gun out of his hands and tossed it across the room. Then she grabbed his head and slammed it into the ground, knocking him cold.

"Get everyone moving," Shepard ordered, picking up one of the agents' handguns, an ugly, squarish, but compact weapon. Using his own handcuffs, she secured the agent to the towel bar in the bathroom. "We have to get out of here, fast."

* * *

"Make that a big problem," Colonel Cameron Mitchell added. "Our two ATF bozos just stumbled right into the aliens. If I were to hazard a guess, they've got backup already on the way."

"The fecal matter will soon make contact with the rotating impeller," Teal'c added from beside him.

"It's the shit's about to hit the fan, Teal'c. And you're right on the money."

There was a sigh from the other end. "You have permission to make contact. We're bringing them in. They attacked two ATF agents, therefore it's a tactical decision and I have the authority to make it."

In the back of the car, Daniel cleared his throat. "Uh, we have to do this gracefully. We have no idea who these people are, where they come from. They could be aggressive, or highly defensive."

"They managed to steal cars and get hotel rooms. That means they can't be that different from us. And they abandoned a perfectly defensible position in favour of blending in. Speaking of which..." He brought the phone back up to his ear. "Hey, Sam, have they contained the crash site yet?"

"More or less. A Vietnam veteran wandered out with his rifle to see what was going on. We're not sure what we're going to do with him. Other than that, it's secure. Seems they stripped almost everything out, though."

As an afterthought, she added, "Oh, and the ship's called the Normandy. Maybe Daniel can get something out of that."

"Hey, Jackson! It's called the Normandy." He opened the door of the vehicle. "You know the drill. Let's do this before they run away-"

"Out of the car!" a voice hissed from beside him. A red-headed woman was pointing a gun at his face. "Out."

Raising his hands into the air, he did as he was told, slowly stepping out of the car. He nodded to his team to do the same. They opened the doors and stepped out slowly, careful not to make any threatening moves. He noticed a second woman pointing a gun at them from the other side of the car, and suspected the lounging figures by the parked vehicles were a lot more aware than they looked.

"Drop your weapons," she ordered. "And your omni- radios, phones, whatever the hell they're called."

"We don't have any," Mitchell replied smoothly.

"Inside your waistband," the woman said curtly. "Big guy has one under his jacket, that guy with the glasses has one in his front pocket."

Reluctantly, the three removed their pistols and dropped them to the ground.,

"Kick them over." They did so.

"What about her, Commander?" the other woman, smaller with brown hair, asked. She motioned to the one woman they had pulled out of the car.

"I don't have any weapons!" Vala protested.

"Definitely armed," she concluded for herself. "Don't make me take them by force."

"Fine." Vala huffed. She removed a pistol from her holster and tossed it to the other woman. "Happy?"

"No. The reserve and the knife, too."

Vala reached down to her ankle, unclipped a tiny revolver, and tossed it on the ground. She reached down to her other ankle and removed a short, pointy knife. "Happy now?"

"Williams, secure their weapons," the redhead ordered, keeping her gun trained on Mitchell. "Kasumi, check the car."

"There's a phone on the floor," a female, slightly Asian accented voice said from seemingly nowhere. Cloaked. A smashing sound. "Well, there _was_."

He decided to try negotiating. "All right, take it easy now. We can help you."

"Who are you?" she asked, motioning them toward two waiting men and a white pedo van. "Who do you work for?"

"I could ask you the very same question."

"It's best if you don't know. For your own safety. Who are you working for? The ATF?"

He resisted the urge to laugh as his hands were tied behind his back. "No, those were a pair of rookie agents who confused you for an arms dealer. We're a team formed to deal with this kind of situation."

"Which would be?" the woman asked, gently nudging him into the back of the van. He tried the knots on his hands. They were pretty tight.

"Extraterrestrials. Little green men."

"Actually, they're grey," Daniel pointed out.

He corrected himself. "Yeah, little grey men."

"Shepard, why did you have to pick up the lunatics?" Garrus asked as the Commander climbed into the front of the vehicle.

"Because they were watching us. Figure out who they really are."

"Right, Shepard." Garrus surveyed their captives. Four humans. The one with the short hair in the brown leather jacket seemed to be their leader, and came across as typical human military. The big dark one seemed a bit off to him, and the one with... glasses? he could tell wasn't military. The last one, a female, he thought, he had no idea about. "That's gonna be so easy when they can't even tell what I'm saying."

She sighed. "All right, fine. Traynor, take the wheel."

"Yes, Commander," the comm officer acknowledged as Shepard slid into the back of the van.

* * *

"I think we started off on the wrong foot," she began. "I'm Commander Shepard of the Normandy."

"Colonel Cameron Mitchell, United States Air Force." So the military was after them. Great.

"I'm Daniel Jackson." She had him pegged as a kind of scientist type.

"Teal'c." And that was probably all she would get out of him. What kind of name was that, anyway?

"Vala. Mal Doran." Something seemed off about her, something she couldn't place at the time.

"All right." Shepard brought up her omni-tool and started recording. "I take it you know who we are."

"Well, we know you crashed on our planet- it's called Earth, by the way," Daniel told her. "Look, we mean you no harm, but you have to understand, the vast majority of our population doesn't know about extraterrestrials. We'd rather sit down and talk in a secure location and figure out where to go from there."

She gave him a strange look, like he was insane, so he continued. "I can tell you're an advanced civilization, and-" he motioned toward the alien (Garrus?)- "you've made contact with aliens we've never even seen before. And you managed to use our technology, exploit our systems, so obviously we aren't so different. I think we could learn a lot from each other."

The alien said something none of them could understand, trilling subharmonics mixed with clicks and pops. Shepard replied to him, "No, Garrus, we can't just dump them in a ditch."

She turned back to Daniel. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're talking about aliens and other planets and talking about us like a completely separate society!"

Daniel cleared his throat. "I know this may be hard for you, and hell, it confused the hell out of us when we first found out, but there are humans spread all around the galaxy. Earth is where everyone came from-"

"Know that, watched the vids."

"-but humans were taken as slaves by an alien race known as the Goa'uld and spread across the galaxy. Some, including us on Earth, rose up and rebelled against their masters. Recently, we defeated the Goa'uld once and for all."

"Of course we had to pick up the insane ones, Captain." Vala turned to the voice beside her, and was a bit (okay, a lot) surprised to find that the woman beside her was not, in fact, a very shapely human. She lifted her hood with a three-fingered hand, revealing an opaque helmet with a translucent purple faceplate partially obscured by a purple shawl. "I'm starting to agree with Garrus."

"Okay, obviously this isn't working," Colonel Mitchell interrupted. "Look, uh, why don't you tell us more about yourself? Where are you from?"

"Mindoir," Shepard replied.

"Which is?"

"It _was_ a decent place, a bit of a backwater colony but pleasant enough, before the batarians rolled in a fucked everything up."

"Colony?"

"Of the Systems Alliance," Shepard explained cryptically. "It's best if I don't say more. For your own sake as much as ours."

Daniel sighed. His attempt at explaining was fruitless. He tried again several times, but each time received only noncommittal replies or 'you're crazy' looks. For the most part, they continued to ride in silence.

"Uh, I have to, you know, go," Vala interrupted suddenly.

Commander Shepard and the alien (Garrus, she reminded herself) shared a look. She opened up a backpack, rummaged through it, and extracted a half full water bottle. After pouring the contents onto the floor of the van, she held it out toward Vala.

"Are you serious?"

"It's the bottle or your pants," Shepard replied harshly. "If you thought this would get you out, you're wrong. I'm not a fool."

"But I'm a girl!"

"Your point?"

Vala huffed. "You're going to have to at least untie me."

"Tali?" Shepard motioned toward her. The alien with the purple faceplate drew a knife from a scabbard strapped to one of her boots and severed the knots.

As soon as her hands were free, Vala pitched forward, grabbing the alien's knife hand and twisting the blade away. She pushed the alien against the side of the van, ignoring the hard kick that sent pain shooting up her leg.

"Trrrraeli!" someone- it must have been the alien- shouted. As he tried to move back and help, Teal'c jumped up and slammed his forehead into Garrus' face. A spray of blue, viscous liquid splattered against the sides of the van as his mandible cracked with the force.

Shepard jumped to her feet at the same time as Cameron and Daniel, who attempted to block her from assisting Garrus and Tali.

"Oh, shit, roadblock!" Suddenly, the van decelerated, throwing the entire mess against the rear door of the van. At almost the same time, a silvery-blue light enveloped the occupants, and they disappeared.

* * *

They were still piled up against each other when the back of the van disappeared and the floor changed to a remarkably different texture.

"Everyone, stop!" an authoritative female voice shouted. "We have some things to explain."

The two crews separated, getting to their feet and still glaring daggers at each other. The first thing the Normandy crew was drawn to was the owner of the voice, a blonde woman in a flightsuit wearing a short ponytail. The second was their suddenly-different surroundings, what looked like a very crude and very grey CIC. The third thing was the view out the window- the blue marble of Earth.

Shepard was the first to speak. "I... don't think this is our Earth."

* * *

Who saw that coming? It was hinted at several times in the story.


	5. December 18

**December 18, 2012**

Garrus turned to Shepard and whispered. "Now I know this isn't my planet, but I'm pretty sure Earth hadn't even discovered the mass effect yet, let alone built starships."

"How did we get here?" Tali asked. "They couldn't have used a shuttle, we just appeared. I mean, we've theorized that matter transportation is possible, but nobody's been able to figure out how to actually do it!"

Shepard turned to the blonde woman. "What the hell just happened?"

"Sorry about that, we lost contact and were trying to pull our team out in a covert fashion. What you experienced was a site-to-site transport. It's a system we got as a sort of gift from some friends of ours. So far it's proved extremely safe and reliable."

They shared a look. "What year is it?"

"By our date system, December 18, 2012, give or take a day depending on where you are on the planet. Are you trying to sync your calendar with our own."

"As a matter of speaking," Shepard tapped on the holographic interface of her omni-tool. A calendar popped up, with what it assumed to be the current date highlighted in large numbers. _2187-12-18_

"I think any idea of preserving the timeline is out the window at this point," she added, more to her crew than the locals. "We need to talk. Where is the rest of my crew?"

"We beamed them to the mess hall. Hopefully, they won't be a-"

"Colonel, we have a problem," a voice buzzed over the comm system. The sounds of gunfire, zats, and things being smashed were clear in the background. "They're smashing the place up, trying to escape."

* * *

"Hey! Break it up!" Shepard shouted at her crew, ducking as a table flew past her head. She looked at the moving bodies on the ground and realized that they were going for injuries, not kills. Of course, if they had let loose, they probably would have ransacked the ship already. "Stop fighting and stand down immediately."

"Security teams, stand down!" the blond woman ordered her own troops. They kept fighting for another few seconds before the guns stopped chattering and the biotic glow dissipated.

"Damn it, what the hell were you thinking?" Shepard asked, resisting the urge to shout. She was of two minds. On one hand, they had absolutely _destroyed_ the place. On the other, they had suddenly appeared in Earth orbit surrounded by probably captors. That she still didn't understand the intentions of.

"Sorry, Commander," Williams apologized. "It was my fault. I was disoriented, I thought one of the crew was trying to attack us, I let the situation get out of control-"

"It's not your fault, elcee," Shepard told her, raising a hand. "Just a misunderstanding."

She turned to the blonde Colonel. "I think we _both_ have some explaining to do."

* * *

"I think we can safely assume that this isn't our Earth, for a lack of better terms," Shepard began. Her group, consisting of Garrus, Tali, Ashley, Kasumi, Liara, Miranda, Joker, and EDI, sat at one side of the table. Colonel Carter and her group sat decisively opposite.

The Colonel cocked her head. "Believe it or not, we've had this happen before. Prevailing theories postulate that every possibility can happen, will happen and has happened, creating an infinite number of alternate realities. We've seen- even visited- some of these ourselves."

Garrus leaned over to his wife. "Did you understand any of that?"

"Most of it." Tali replied, playing with her omni-tool. "I'm more interested in this ship. It seems so primitive, yet it must be very advanced."

"What makes you say that?"

"The power levels are off the charts! And the transporters... we've only _theorized_ about them, Garrus!"

Shepard tried glaring at the couple, but the aggression just wasn't there. Still, they got the message and ceased their conversation.

"So you're from an alternate, future version of Earth," Mitchell summarized.

"Did Commander Shepard not state she was from a world called Mindoir?" Teal'c half-asked.

"I did," Shepard confirmed. "Mindoir is one of Earth's many colonies. After we discovered the mass effect in the mid-22nd century, we started colonizing every suitable world we could find. We hit some snags on the way-" namely the First Contact War and the Skyllian Blitz- "but for the most part, it was good for everyone. The Systems Alliance- an international organization- was formed to oversee all of this."

"Mass effect," Vala whispered to Daniel. "I swear I've heard that before somewhere."

Daniel cleared his throat to ask, but Carter beat him to it. "What is this mass effect?"

"Tali," Shepard motioned to the engineer.

"The mass effect is what our technology is based on, from omni-tools to weapons to drive cores," she explained, a light on her mask pulsing a gentle purple with every word. "Every civilization in the galaxy discovers it at some point... and it was nearly our downfall. Quarians- my race- found Prothean- an ancient precursor race that died out millenia ago- ruins on our planet, and in them the knowledge to use element zero. Humans found similar ruins on Mars.

"Basically, and I'm oversimplifying here, the mass effect allows us to spontaneously alter the mass of any object. By passing an electric charge through the element zero, we can change its mass and even alter gravity fields to a degree. That's not quite right... it's much more complex, but I've never had to explain it before."

"Uh, when you said it was almost your downfall, what do you mean by that?" Daniel asked, adjusting his glasses.

"The Reapers," Shepard spat. "An ancient race of sentient starships created millions of years ago. We didn't find out that they even existed until a few years ago. They left behind artifacts- the Citadel, the galactic capital, and the Mass Relays, our primary means of transportation- to guide us down a certain technological path. Every fifty thousand years or so, they harvest organics, trying to preserve some kind of cycle, prevent synthetics from taking over.

"We beat them. Barely. Billions dead."

"I'm sorry," Daniel whispered.

She shook her head dismissively. "It wasn't your war. When we came here, a lot of my crew hoped we could change things, be more prepared this time. Some of us even thought it was divine intervention. A chance to try again."

Ashley shifted uncomfortably.

"I figured we would try to keep the timeline intact, maybe push things around a little bit. But I guess that's probably out the window at this point."

She paused. "There's still a lot we don't know about the Reapers. But I can give you everything I have, provided they exist here."

Garrus toyed with his omni-tool, bringing up a program he hadn't used since his C-Sec days. A translator. "What I don't understand," he began, testing the device. It seemed to work, since he gained everyone's rapt attention. "Earth. I've seen some old vids, read the extranet articles, and your planet looks exactly the way I expected it to. You called this spacecraft a starship, though. If I understand your terminology correctly, that implies an interstellar capability."

"The George S. Hammond is equipped with an Asgard hyperdrive in addition to sublight engines," Carter explained. "Provided nothing goes wrong, we can cross the galaxy in a matter of days."

Tali's luminescent eyes bulged beneath her mask. "Keelah! Those speeds... they're-"

"Impossible." Joker finished.

"Such speeds have been considered impossible using mass effect technology," EDI corrected. "Given that there is no evidence of such technology aboard this ship, it is likely that completely different methods are used to achieve superluminal travel."

"Wow," Shepard breathed. "We could talk about this all day, but I think it would be best if we exchanged reading material. What I want to know is why this Earth is so different, and yet almost the same."

"Daniel?" Carter motioned to the archaeologist.

"Well, the story goes back to about nineteen twenty-eight if I remember correctly. A large stone ring was discovered in a dig in Egypt. This artifact was actually a Stargate, uh, a device capable of near instantaneous travel between planets- step in on Earth, step out on Chulak. It was built by the Ancients, an earlier evolution of humans that originally came from another galaxy."

"Isn't that like the vids you two like to watch?" Ash whispered to Garrus and Tali. "Battle something or other?"

"Battlestar Galactica." Tali liked the conflict between the Cylons and the Colonials, Garrus... well, he just liked watching things blow up. They found the 1978 original too cheesy, the 2003 re-imagining too dark, the 2167 B-vid too... awful, and the 2048 remake just right.

"Of course at the time, we didn't understand its significance. It was activated once, almost by accident, in the forties, but we didn't really use it until nineteen ninety- was it ninety-four or ninety-six? Long story short, we had no idea what we were doing when we went out there, and we quickly found ourselves in the sights of a very powerful enemy, the Goa'uld."

"How did you defeat them?"

"A lot of luck and a lot of help from our little grey buddies," Mitchell told them.

Daniel jumped to explain. "They're called... well, they were called the Asgard. Yes, actually, they were largely responsible for Norse mythology. They protected our planet, gave us technology, later entrusted us with their entire legacy."

"And how are Goa'uld-human relations now?" Garrus asked.

"Well, they're defeated," Daniel said slowly. "Suffice it to say, they're nobody's problem anymore."

Shepard and Garrus shared a look. _Shut up and keep your opinions to yourself._

Miranda was the first to speak up. "And what about Earth? It seemed to match our records almost perfectly despite the clear advances you've made. There is no indication, externally or internally, that Earth is anything but a world just starting to discover spaceflight."

Carter and Mitchell shared a different, equally knowing look. He clasped his hands on the table. "That's because they don't know."

"What?" Williams exclaimed. "Are you saying you kept possibly the most important discovery in human history a secret?"

"Williams," Shepard warned. She turned to the Colonel. "So none of these advances have actually given any benefit to the people on Earth."

"We're allowing certain things to slowly trickle down," Carter explained carefully. "If we just threw everything into the open all at once, the results could be disastrous."

Shepard didn't agree with her assessment, but decided not to press further. She stood up. "I'll get Tali and Garrus to try to figure out a way to transfer our data to your computer systems. Do you have somewhere for my crew to stay?"

"Yes," Carter replied. "Stargate Command is headquartered at Cheyenne Mountain. There's been some downsizing recently, and we have plenty of extra room. I've arranged for you to stay there until we can figure out long-term arrangements."

"Thank you." She nodded at her crew. "Let's get going, shall we?"

* * *

"What do you think, Shepard?" Garrus asked. He glanced at Kasumi, who nodded. All the bugs had been swept within minutes of their arrival.

They had almost an entire section of the base to themselves. There was plenty of room for them to stretch out. General Landry, the base commander, had assigned them two separate bunkrooms that she supposed were for male and female. The concept was entirely antiquated to the Commander, and she mixed male, female, and monogendered indiscriminately.

The mattresses were firm and thin, and not unfamiliar to Shepard. A hundred and fifty years and military cots still sucked. Their surroundings were grey, grey, and more grey, with an occasional splash of colour from signs and lines on the wall indicating certain sections and critically important pipes exposed on the ceiling. The place was primitive and oppressive, but not entirely uncomfortable. The food was better than they were used to- she found the blue jello especially pleasant.

"I don't know, Garrus," she replied, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. It would have been more comfortable if she wasn't wearing full armour, but she wasn't going to take it off just yet. "They seem like good enough people- I think their intentions are noble. I'm just not sure I agree with their methods."

"Not enough shoving guns in peoples' faces?" Garrus quipped, mandibles flaring.

Shepard shook her head. "No, other way around. When we asked about the situation on Earth, they kept ducking the question. They didn't want to admit that everyone on Earth is in the dark."

"Yeah, that's something I don't agree with. Living a daily life with primitive tech, not knowing the threats waiting to destroy your entire planet. I'd rather live in constant fear."

"I'd take that over not knowing, but you know as well as I do that people prefer ignorance. Preserve the status quo at the cost of the truth. I'm not saying I agree with her, but Colonel Carter has a point. People tend to react badly to the world changing overnight.

"The difference is that we understood the cost. Realized that we couldn't afford that. Apparently this... Stargate program can, for better or for worse."

"What about when they talked about 'defeating the Goa'uld'?" Joker punctuated with air quotes. "Defeat... now that's an interesting euphemism."

"I'll admit, Shepard, it sounded an awful lot like genocide to me," Garrus agreed.

"It might have been justified," Shepard defended. "The Goa'uld sounded pretty nasty. As far as I can tell, the Goa'uld were entirely a ruling class, small in number. There might not have been many around to kill."

"I noticed that several of the George S. Hammond's crew regarded me with suspicion or open hostility," EDI mentioned, ending the silence. "Given their prior experiences with synthetic life, such an outlook is not entirely unjustified. However..."

"What is it, EDI?" Shepard asked, concerned.

"It is... unpleasant. I find myself reciprocating the same attitude."

"It's called being uncomfortable, EDI. Part of being alive."

"I believe that, if given an opportunity, they would attempt to terminate my existence-"

"Now you're just being paranoid," Joker told her.

"No, Jeff. The humans of this Earth once wiped out a race of synthetics known as the Asurans because they were at war. The Asurans had a system of government based on organic, rather than synthetic, models. Therefore, it could be assumed that not all Asurans supported the destruction of organic life to preserve their own existence. Unlike the Reapers or the Geth, they did not all agree.

"More troubling, they later encountered another group of Asurans. They were falsely led to believe they were travelling to another world, and were rendered dormant in orbit of that planet instead."

"We're hypothesizing based on imperfect intelligence," Shepard concluded moderately. "We need to find out more."

"You always seem to know what to do, Shepard," Tali joked.

"A captain always knows what to do, whether she does or not," Shepard quoted. "Get some sleep. We can find some answers in the morning."


	6. December 19

I didn't have a lot of time to write, so you get a really short chapter today. Garrus POV because I felt like it.

* * *

**December 19, 2012**

What a waste of a day.

It started off all right. They had got up early, a (in his opinion unfortunate) habit they had all gotten into. The levos got a nice meal, courtesy of the SGC staff. He was, of course, stuck slurping nutrient paste with Tali. Thankfully, the SGC people had given their stuff back... most of it, anyway. He noticed a few things missing.

He went with Shepard in their search for more information. When they asked, directly or indirectly, the answers were the same as the ones they got from the information packet.

"These people are the best," Shepard had remarked. "They're hand-picked, they want to be here, they're proud to be here. They believe in what their doing."

So there wasn't that much of a difference between them. That was good.

"They damn near worship SG-1, though. I'm not sure I like that."

They shared a laugh at that. Shepard was worshipped by half the galaxy... half their galaxy.

"Think we'll ever get home?" Garrus had asked.

He remembered clearly the look of uncertainty that crossed Shepard's face. "I don't know. It would be a nice Xmas present, maybe this Earth has the technology to do it, but I don't know. I think we're stuck here, at least for a while."

Privately, she confided. "As much as I want to go back, the Reapers are gone. They don't need us anymore, Garrus- they don't need me anymore. I think, maybe, we can do more good here."

His feelings were similar. There was a new challenge, a new galaxy to explore. On the other hand, he missed the familiar vids and holoscreens and hanar preachers. He missed the diverse crowds. Most of all, he didn't want to break his promise to Sol and her kids.

But he still had Tali.

"-that it's best for the world," Shepard finished as he broke out of his thoughts. "Vakarian, you listening?"

"Uh, no," he admitted with a slight cough.

"Well, I'll give you the Sparknotes version," Shepard replied. "I'm not ready to trust this SGC, not just yet. And they're definitely not letting us loose on Earth... they might never let us loose on Earth. I'm taking Kasumi and Williams and sneaking out. You're in charge until I get back."

His mandibles were agape. "Shepard, are you sure that's a good idea?"

She shrugged. "You seemed to like it fine a minute ago- you kept nodding and agreeing. And it's not like I'm going to do anything drastic. Just go up and take a peek."

"I don't like it, Shepard, but I'll go with it."

She smiled and punched him lightly on the shoulder- well, it was probably light for _her_. "Good. You didn't hear anything, Vakarian."

* * *

In the heart of Denver, three teenage boys stood around a strange looking lump lying in a blue pool in the middle of the sidewalk. None of them noticed the large metal object smashed into the building above.

"The fuck is that?" one of them asked. He kicked the lump and swore he saw it move slightly.

"Hell if I know," one of the others replied, shrugging.

The last, staying back, stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Guys, I think we should get out of-"

The others jumped back as the lump coughed twice and rolled over, revealing a face between avian and reptilian.

"Look... I couldn't afford a ride," the lump sputtered, his words coming out as complete gibberish to the observers. "Don't call Alliance MP-"

Noticing his surroundings, his iridescent eyes bulged. "Spirits, where am I?"

* * *

It wasn't quite as easy as walking out the front door.

But, as Shepard reflected, it was pretty damn close.

They brought EDI in on the plan- not to sneak out with them, but to retrieve some valuable intel, namely a set of base plans. They revealed an exit shaft that went straight to the surface, and was almost completely unsecured. Sneaking past the guards was a matter of timing and arranging a suitable distraction.

How to distract a guard long enough to sneak out? Try to sneak out. Garrus tried to exit through the door, and was, of course, stopped. He kept the guards preoccupied trying to deal with the language barrier while they went right behind them.

Shepard had to stifle the laugh. Loud screeching was absolutely not how turians communicated unless they were _extremely_ angry.

Silently, like ghosts in the night, they snuck into the bushes and away from the top secret site of the Stargate program.


	7. December 20

Shepard meets Shepard. Well, sort of. Also, Unnamed Colonel wasn't supposed to come across as that much of a jerk.

* * *

**December 20, 2012**

"Any luck, Kasumi?"

They spent the first hour just getting to Colorado Springs. After that, it was half an hour stealing a laptop, and a few more hours spent at an internet cafe, mostly trying to figure out how to use the damn machine, then browsing aimlessly.

"No. Sorry, Shep. I can't find any more than you do. Just stories and crazy people."

Shepard leaned back and sipped on the coffee. It was good, far better than what she was used to. Maybe they even used real beans. "What kind of stories and crazy people?"

"Oh, the usual. UFO sightings, abductions, probing."

"Try searching for anything since 1997. Invasions in 1998, 2004, and 2009." Although there hadn't been a full-scale invasion- no, they would be seeing a much different Earth if that were the case- there had been several 'incidents' mentioned in the SGC file. That was an interesting euphemism. Incidents.

The thief tapped quietly on the (physical and tactile) keyboard for a few minutes before turning the laptop around and showing it to Shepard. "Look at this."

She examined the article. COLSON INDUSTRIES BANKRUPT, ALIEN HOAX TO BLAME. Kasumi explained as she read it. "Apparently, he managed to get his hands on actual wreckage. Even managed to get a little grey guy walking around."

"Wait, wait, wait," Williams interrupted. "They had an alien walking around and nobody noticed?"

"Plenty of people noticed," Shepard told her, reading the article. "The Air Force explained it away as a hologram."

"Okay, we definitely didn't have those," Williams mentioned. She paused. "How can you fight a war like this? Doing everything, anything to avoid admitting the truth. I wouldn't be surprised if the SGC had people disappeared when they were done with them. Remind me to watch my back, Commander-"

She held up her hand for silence.

"-so I am just happy to enjoy my leave on Earth," a balding man with a smug grin on his face said to his companion, a taller shaggy-haired man with too much stubble.

"Rodney," Lieutenant Colonel John John hissed to his scientist friend. "You know people can hear you, right."

"Oh, relax. The average idiot wouldn't see the truth if we dangled it right in front of them."

"Excuse me," a tall, broad-shouldered redhead interrupted, striding toward their table. She questioned, "Did you just say something about enjoying a leave on Earth?"

"What? Maybe- no!" Rodney stammered. "Of course not. That's preposterous."

"I think you misheard, ma'am," John told her with a winning smile.

"I know exactly what I heard." She slid into a chair beside the two, not asking permission or appearing to care. "Rodney McKay, right? Physicist?"

"Theoretical astrophysics, yes. You're, uh-"

She slid slightly closer and whispered in his ear. "Exactly the kind of person a certain organization would want."

"Uh, what?"

She sat back in her chair and her fingers made a twirling motion in the air. "Let's just say a little bird told me."

He folded his arms. "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Didn't you try to steal that one scientist's work?" the woman suddenly asked. "Tumley, Tooly, Trombley, ah, that's it! Tunney."

"What? No!" McKay nearly shouted. "He's the one who tried to steal my work. That matter bridge- I did it first!"

"Really? When was that? Did it work?"

"Uh, I mean, I did the theoretical calculations, and proved- mathematically- it would work-"

"Then I think Tunney did it first."

"Rodney," John warned his friend. He turned to the woman again. "Look, uh, as much as I enjoy your company, you kind of just sat down and started interrogating us- well, Rodney, anyway. Don't I at least get a name?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." The woman sounded like a ditz- but not quite. She was acting, he could tell. She was far more in control than it looked. "I'm Allison. Allison Gunn."

"Look, Allison, I don't really like it when people sneak up on me like that. A man's gotta have his privacy, of course."

"Don't _I_ get a name?" Flirty, but not really.

"Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, United States Air Force, at your service, ma'am."

A look of entertainment briefly crossed Allison's face before she clamped down on it, the blank smile coming back. "Oh."

He raised an eyebrow. "That's it? Oh?"

"I don't approve of killing." The way it sounded like she was lying through her teeth sent chills down his spine.

"Well, I haven't actually flown combat in years," Sheppard dodged. Okay, he probably sounded like just as much of a liar. "

"Well, my ride is here." Allison stood up and walked away. Rodney thought there was something odd about her, but couldn't place it.

"Gloves," John told him. "Padded knuckles. Some kind of metal-toed boot, too. And she had some kind of weird neck thing. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was some kind of body armour."

"Ah, so that's what was odd about her."

John shook his head. "No, the walk. Kind of awkward, restricted- but not really. More, I dunno, square? She barely swayed her hips at all."

"Huh."

"Yep." He sipped his coffee.

"Didn't she say her ride was here?" Rodney asked, glancing out the window. He saw Allison walking away with two other women, away from the parking lot.

"Yeah. No car."

* * *

"I wonder how Shepard is doing?" Tali asked her husband as they sat together in the mess hall. Both of them sucked on a tube of nutrient paste.

"It's Shepard," Garrus reassured her. "She'll be fine."

"Shepard could take on a whole army of husks by herself," Tali noted. She fiddled with her nutrient tube, wringing her three-digit hands. "But subtlety isn't exactly her strong suit. Remember that time she blew a hole in a wall big enough to drive the Mako through to get into that Cerberus base?"

Garrus flared his mandibles in the turian equivalent of a grin. "Yeah, I remember. I asked her if she knew there was a door. She just shrugged and moved on, blasting away with that huge machine gun."

Tali smiled beneath her mask. Oh, how she wished she didn't have to wear the suit! Quarian scientists said that with the aid of drugs, they would be able to walk around suitless on Rannoch after a few years, but running around the galaxy exposed was still merely a dream. Maybe these much more advanced humans could do something about it, though she doubted it. Despite all their achievements, they had never encountered a dextro-amino race before.

Finally, after what seemed like an endless silence, Tali said quietly, "I miss the Flotilla."

"You mean the homeworld," Garrus corrected. Nobody had quite adjusted yet.

"No, the Flotilla," Tali wrung her hands again. "I miss Rannoch too, it _is_ the home of my people, but I miss the Flotilla. It was _home_ to me for most of my life. The whirring of machinery, the tight but comfortable spaces, the crowds of bustling people. It's all a distant memory now."

She paused before continuing to babble. "I mean, I'm not unhappy that we finally returned to our home. It's a new, better future for my people. I suppose it's just different. My Pilgrimage was spent on the Normandy. I guess it would be different if I had lived with people who had settled down like we are now."

Another awkward silence, before she spoke quietly again. "I'm the only quarian here, Garrus. I haven't felt so alone since I left for my Pilgrimage."

"Well," Garrus said smoothly, wrapping an arm around his wife, "_I'm_ the only _turian_ here."

* * *

"Damn it, Kasumi, next time you're playing the idiot," Shepard threatened in good humour. She raised her voice in a mocking of her earlier 'Allison' persona. "I don't approve of killing."

"Come on, Shep, you've got to admit, that was fun!" Kasumi defended.

"Yeah, I guess," she admitted. She turned to Ashley Williams, who looked depressed. "What's the matter, Ash?"

"I don't know, Commander, it's just..."

"Spit it out, Williams."

She took a deep breath and motioned to the scene around them. They were surrounded by businesses advertising for the holidays, decorated with tinsel, lighted trees, and fake snow. "It's just... well, it's Christmas. I was planning on coming back to Earth, getting together will my sisters, you know? Having Christmas. Trees, presents, evening mass, family.

"Now I'm not sure if I'll ever see them again."

"We were all looking forward to it, Ash," Shepard replied quietly. "Even-"

A familiar shape stopped her dead in her tracks. A turian was stumbling toward them. He was slightly smaller than Garrus, with a longer fringe, but had the same tattoos as far as either of the humans could tell. A crowd had formed, though they stayed back from the alien, gawking.

He was aware enough to straighten as much as his battered body allowed and salute. There was a tinge of awe in his rough voice. "Commander Shepard."

"All right, what the hell is going on here?" an authoritative voice growled as the crowd parted. She instantly recognized the owner as the man from the bar- Sheppard. He identified as he passed through the crowd. "Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard, Air Force."

"Crap."

* * *

"You left the base without permission," the man behind the desk told Shepard. Though the sign on the desk declared in bold letters 'GENERAL LANDRY', she was pretty sure the oak leaves on this man's uniform were not the insignia of a General. Unfortunately, his nametag was concealed by a desk organizer stacked high with paperwork. "By doing so, you compromised the safety of this planet."

"I think that accusation is going a little far," Shepard replied, keeping her voice flat and level.

"If General Landry were here, you would be in a cell right now-"

"I doubt that."

"Do you understand what the consequences of your discovery could be?"

"Three slightly augmented humans in obsolete battle armour?"

"Slightly augmented? You'd set off an airport metal detector," he told her. "And I don't think your armour could be considered obsolete by any standards."

"Really?" Shepard was genuinely surprised at that. "Given that your technology is far beyond ours, I thought you'd be fielding something better."

Before the officer could speak again, she changed subjects. "Besides, I don't think we're much of an issue compared to the inevitable MyTube video of a turian."

"YouTube," he corrected curtly.

"Whatever the hell you call it."

"I don't care who you were where you came from, Commander," the Lieutenant Colonel seethed. "You are a threat to the safety of this planet. I will not allow you to progress any further in the endangerment of our way of life. Until further notice, you are not to leave your designated living spaces. You will be stripped of all weapons and you will be under guard at all times. You will be reported to higher authorities who will decide what to do with you and your... crew. Is that clear, Commander?"

"Crystal." Of course, if she really wanted to break out, she would have done it already. And she was seriously considering just breaking his nose and leaving.

Instead, she turned and walked out the door. Maybe they could talk to someone who was less of an asshole tomorrow.


	8. December 21

Just ignore the plot holes, mmmkay? And the poor writing. It's really hard to write with asshole friends heckling you constantly.

* * *

**December 21, 2012**

General Jack O'Neill stalked angrily through the corridors of the SGC. Thankfully, he didn't receive many salutes or "sir"s. The base knew him better than that.

On the bright side, the world hadn't ended.

On the other hand, there was still a massive stack of paperwork to be done sitting at his office in Washington. He'd had to cancel meetings with both the IOA and President Romney, and though he didn't mind so much, he was sure they were pissed, and sure they were going to make some really bad decisions without him.

There was also the issue of not being able to see Carter while she had leave on Earth, which was probably infuriating him the most out of everything.

All because some crazy bitch from an alternate universe had decided to show up on Earth and start fucking with the SGC.

Actually, no more.

All because some crazy bitch from an alternate universe had decided to show up on Earth and the idiot temporary base commander Colonel Dumbass had let her start fucking with the SGC.

So when he called to tell him that there was a problem, he naturally decided to hop the next flight out of Washington and take care of things himself instead of sending out a peon to do it like any other REMF naturally would.

O'Neill sighed. He still didn't know how to be The Man.

* * *

"So, what's your story?" Daniel asked the alien. He was the same species as Garrus was, and if his assumptions were correct, of the same clan.

"Lawyer," he replied through the translator program in his omni-tool.

"I'm sorry, what?" Daniel was not expecting _that_.

"Lawyer. This is Earth, correct?" Daniel nodded. "Under Citadel law, I am entitled to legal advice."

"Look, well, this isn't exactly, Earth, okay?" He wasn't good at this. "I'm going to step out for a moment.

Shepard immediately realized this man was different. Even if she hadn't read (most of) his file, she could tell he had been through a lot, fought demons and survived. It wasn't anything overt- more subtle things. The gait, the angle of his chin, the way he carried himself.

His announcement was simple. "What the hell were you doing?"

"Recon," she replied.

"You left a secure facility when under specific instructions not to do so, and by doing so endangered the secrecy of this program and the security of this planet."

"I was merely making an exit to secure intelligence. If I remember correctly, it was your group that held us against our will."

She folded her finger in front of her. "You have to understand, General, that I spent the past three years trying to convince a galaxy that didn't want to believe the truth of their imminent annihilation. Keeping the threat of planetary annihilation a secret is a pretty damn big change for me."

* * *

"His name is Normus Vakarian," Teal'c told Daniel Jackson, leaving a very shaken turian in the room. "He is a member of a terrorist organization that infiltrated the Normandy with the intention of massacring humans on Earth. They are protesting the new galactic order."

* * *

"Desert, desert, and more desert," the batarian reported, slinging his rifle.

"Anything of interest?" replied an Eleya T'avari, feigning boredom. Inside, she was seething.

They had stowed away aboard the Normandy- some 'idiot' had 'screwed up' the security arrangements, allowing them to sneak aboard the historied starship and providing a garbage scow with a ridiculous amount of security, as if it carried gold instead of junk.

Her group was a multiracial one, loosely composed of the remnants of Council and Terminus space. They had numbered twelve in total- now only nine were left. They were part of a larger organization, not with an incredible amount of resources like Cerberus had, but fairly well funded. Their goal was simple. After the Reapers War, the galaxy was changing. The humans, the krogan, even the quarians and the _geth_ were taking over the galaxy. New ideas were destroying the old order.

They would not let that happen.

The Normandy wasn't the easiest ship to sneak aboard and stay aboard without being detected. With an AI and some of the most feared men and women in the galaxy, their job wasn't easy. Most of them, and their cargo, were hidden in secure shipping containers ostensibly owned by the massive W-Y Corporation. Eleya herself had posed as a reporter, hiding in plain site. But it was worth it. What better ship to cause such massive death and destruction than the flagship of the galaxy's fleet?

When the Normandy went down, her group was scattered. They had a backup plan- run to the escape pods. Unfortunately, one of the pods ejected late- they had probably waited for someone, or maybe they hadn't made it at all. Most of their equipment was gone. All were under orders to die rather than be captured, and she was sure at least one of her group had self-terminated.

The batarian scratched his ridged forehead. "Well, there was a road over there-" he pointed- "and I think it led to some old ruins."

Eleya surveyed their makeshift camp again. It was based around one of the escape pods- the other two had landed a fair distance away and they sure as hell weren't going to drag them over. So far, they hadn't managed to make contact with other members of their organization- or the greater galaxy at all. They were marooned on what they thought was an uninhabited world- but apparently it wasn't so uninhabited after all.

She picked up her own rifle, an old but reliable Mattock. "Let's go. Anywhere is better than here."

* * *

"Yes, okay. No, she's right here. Got it." O'Neill put down the phone. He turned to Shepard.

"Our boys just engaged what they thought were insurgents a few klicks outside Al Kut," he explained. "An entire platoon shredded."

"I'm sorry, General." She didn't like where this was going. It didn't seem like it would have anything to do with her, but she had a bad feeling it _did_. "But I don't see what this has to do with me."

"Before we lost contact, they reported that the 'insurgents' were wearing some kind of full-body armour. Our weapons had no effect, and theirs ripped straight through our body armour. They also reported seeing a combatant with four eyes, and a 'female with purple skin and tentacle hair.' Sounds an awful lot like aliens. Your kind of aliens."

"God damn it," Shepard swore. "I knew I shouldn't have trusted that bitch."

"You knew about these people?" O'Neill asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I knew about the one," Shepard replied, shrugging. "Seria Eleyani. An asari reporter. Brought her aboard with her camera crew at the Council's insistence. Something seemed off about her from the very beginning."

"And you didn't tell us about her?" Now he was getting mad.

"I didn't think of it. I assumed they died in the crash. We were in a rush to get out of there."

O'Neill sighed. "The Hammond just left for the Alpha Site. We have no orbital beaming assets, and I don't know if our SG teams can do much against these guys. If you help us, we can help you."


	9. December 22

Shortish chapter again today, because of... eh, nevermind. Tomorrow will be longer, I promise. Couldn't think of a good Bond One Liner either, sorry.

Oh, and for those who wanted some action, in this chapter THERE WILL FINALLY BE SOME ACTION.

No, not that kind of action, you pervert.

* * *

**December 22, 2012**

Shepard hadn't expected to be teamed up with the two she'd met in the cafe the previous day. It turned out her suspicions were correct. Dr. Rodney McKay and Colonel John Sheppard (that was going to get awkward fast) were both working with the SGC as part of the Atlantis Expedition. They had brought along two extraterrestrial allies, Teyla and Ronon. Teyla was a dark-skinned woman with a vaguely tribal feel to her. Ronon was a big, tall guy who didn't talk much.

They were seated opposite her ground team for the mission- Garrus, Tali, Liara and Williams. For what seemed like hours, they simply sat, refusing to interact. Garrus leaned closer to Tali. Liara read on her datapad. Williams drummed her fingers on the table.

It was the Colonel who finally tried to break the ice. "So, uh, Allison, was it?"

"No," Shepard replied curtly. "It was an alias, one I've used a couple times before."

"So your real name is..."

"Shepard."

"Yeah?" He raised an eyebrow.

"That's my name."

"Well, I was hoping you had a first name."

"Commander." Beside her, Garrus stifled a laugh.

"Unless your customs are radically different than ours, that's your rank," Sheppard pointed out.

"Which I doubt they are," Rodney mumbled.

"I think things might get a bit confusing with two Shepards running around."

She sighed. "Fine. It's Jane."

Garrus turned to her, mandibles slack. "Your first name is _Jane_?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I, ah, that's a very common human name."

"Your point?" She definitely had the upper hand on Garrus now.

"I always thought you'd have something more exotic," Garrus told her. "Something like Artemis or Aurora or Eden."

"You would not be the only one," Liara agreed.

"Nope. Just plain Jane Shepard."

"So, Jane," John interrupted. "What was your version of the galaxy like?"

"Please, I doubt these backwards idiots could tell a galaxy from a nebula," Rodney spat.

Shepard leaned back in her chair. "Pretty good, actually. Lots of old alien artifacts that do weird shit when you touch them. Exploratory vessels carrying entire families and visiting schoolchildren that get lost and run into some kind of anomaly every other week. Oh, and plenty of hot green alien space babes to fuck."

Rodney glared at her, and she added, "That's what you get for calling us backwards idiots."

"Well, you are!"

"Rodney-" Sheppard warned.

"We're not the ones who espouse the virtues of truth to the galaxy but keep the existence of alien life a secret from our own people. Or exterminate synthetic life because its different. Or-"

"Oh, like you haven't done anything morally reprehensible!" Rodney argued.

"Rodney!" Sheppard warned.

"I'm not saying we're better than you. I think we're both trying to do the best we can." She paused. "Morality is a fickle beast, Doctor McKay. You can weigh the options but you can never be sure what's right and what's wrong. You'll be judged by people who have no idea what really happened and no matter what you choose, someone will always say you were wrong."

"Too true," the other Shep agreed.

* * *

"Using your matter transport technology, we've constructed-"

"I've constructed, actually," Rodney McKay pointed out. "The technology is far beyond anything these people have ever seen."

Shepard glared daggers at him. She was already beginning to hate the smug scientist. "Some of the stuff I've seen is pretty out there. Just because we don't know how it works doesn't mean we don't understand the concept."

She continued. "Using your matter transport technology, Doctor McKay has constructed some equipment based on schematics taken from the Normandy's databanks. Williams?"

Ashley Williams set a weapon down on the table. Judging by the size, the Atlantis team guessed it to be an assault rifle. It had a curved shape, split in the middle with a pistol grip and fixed stock and an integrated optic. "This is the M-8 Avenger. Standard assault rifle of the Systems Alliance. Ammunition is a solid block of metal with a chip generator that shaves off shards of tungsten. It uses carefully controlled mass effect fields combined with electromagnetics to propel that tiny grain down the barrel at extreme velocity. It'll break through armour and kinetic barriers if you know how to use it."

She picked it up to demonstrate its functions. "Integrated smartlink optic. Switchable one and two power, here. Fire selector is just above the grip- down all the way for safe, in the middle for single shot, all the way up for full auto. You're not Tavish, don't flip the selly and hold down the trigger. Smart targeting can only do so much- you're going to spray bullets everywhere."

She pressed a button and a small cylinder popped out of the rifle, which she caught deftly with her left hand. "This is where things get a little more complicated. You don't have to worry about ammo, but you do have to worry about overheating. What I just popped out of the rifle is called a thermal clip. Basically, the heat gets dumped into this little piece of metal and ejected to cool the gun. Just a few years back, we didn't have these. You fired 'till the gun overheated, then either kept firing until it slagged itself or stopped firing and waited for it to cool down."

"Any questions?"

"None that you could-"

The marine cut Rodney off. "Good."

She placed another weapon, a rather large pistol, on the table. "This is this Elanus Risk Control Services M-3 Predator heavy pistol. Same principle, just smaller. Pull back here to eject the thermal clip. It's single shot only and there's no manual selector- once it's in your hand, it's ready to fire."

"Any questions?" she queried again, a little more irritated this time.

"Aren't they gonna be shooting at us with those?" Ronon asked.

Shepard was the one to answer. "That's what these are for."

She tossed what appeared to be a pile of fabric, plastic, and metal on top of the table. "Alliance N7 special forces combat hardsuit. Don't worry, it's a lot more impressive after you put it on.

"The armour itself is rated to take a few hits, and it's saved me a couple of times, but that's not the main layer of protection. All modern armour is equipped with kinetic barrier generators, microscopic versions of what we have installed on our starships. They'll take a decent burst of fire before going down. I should warn you, though. They take a while to recharge, and they're useless against energy weapons. You get caught in the open, you're still dead."

"Oh, that's comforting," Rodney muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, you got something better?" Sheppard whispered to him.

"No," he admitted.

She continued. "It's also sealed against hard vacuum, chemicals, and biological agents. It has integrated waste collection systems, heating and cooling systems, and a communications suite. I don't like anyone going in without training but we don't have time. I like to hope it's pretty self-explanatory."

"That's the equipment," Shepard concluded. "Here's the plan. We split into two teams- I'll take Tali, Liara, Ronon and Doctor McKay. Colonel, you have Teyla, Garrus and Williams. We wait until dark..."

* * *

Eleya flipped the bloodied dogtags through her gloved fingers. WILLIAMS. JOHN R A NEG. 443-22-9001. USMC M. CATHOLIC. They seemed a little old fashioned, but hell, for all she knew, the humans really _were_ that backwards.

No, what got her was what the Marines had on them. They weren't wearing combat hardsuits or carrying anything resembling modern weapons. Instead, they were equipped with rudimentary body armour and firearms that seemed to be late twentieth or early twenty-first century if she understood human history correctly. Their personal items seemed to suggest the same conclusion.

It was a trick. It had to be. But...

She was still pondering when a colossal wallop threw her onto the floor.

"Team two, go! Team one on me!" Shepard yelled as soon as the bombs hit. The jumpers had got them close, but not quite close enough. "Suppressive fire."

She fired wildly from the hip at the remains of the building the aliens had chosen to hole up in. Despite their accuracy, the bombing had little effect. It had obliterated half the building, but there were still defenders shooting back at them. She ignored the angry rounds that smashed against her shields.

"Team two in position!" Sheppard shouted over the din of gunfire. The chattering of the miniature accelerators wasn't as strange as the Wraith stunners had been when he first heard them, but it was not something he was used to.

"Breach!" Shepard kicked in the door and advanced, rifle in hand.

"I will destroy you!" an asari shouted, jumping out of the shadows. Before she could discharge her biotic energy, a barrage of tungsten slugs tore through her barriers, armour, and internal organs.

A turian peered out from above a knocked over table, rifle in hand. He got off a few rounds before Shepard and her team opened fire, their weapons ripping through the thin wood and his cheap armour. He screamed as he went down, a throaty, reverberating roar.

His companion, knocked to the ground by the earlier blast, didn't even have the chance to get up. Pulsating with a blue aura, Liara biotically smashed him into the wall, breaking his neck.

"Room clear. Move up." Shepard kicked open another door, this one leading to a hallway.

"Raaaaaaaargh!" A batarian charged, attempting to use his rifle like a club. Shepard blocked it with her arm before driving her fist into his face. He stumbled back, and a point-blank shot from Tali's shotgun blew out most of his chest.

"Don't shoot!" another batarian shouted, striding out of one of the rooms with his rifle above his head.

Ronon drew his particle magnum and shot him three times, burning through his armour and flesh. "Oops."

Shepard glared at him but said nothing, continuing to the end of the hallway and the small room beyond. The door was gone, along with most of the walls. A coughing asari in damaged combat armour was the only occupant.

"Eleya T'avari." Grabbing the disabled asari by her neck, Shepard slammed her against the wall. "Did you really think you could get away with that?"


	10. December 23

We're getting closer to the end. This chapter, Christmas Eve, and Christmas.

And somehow the beginning part because a mockery of bad action scene writing. I just can't write today.

Seeing as everyone like last year's crossover, I've decided to bring it back, at least in passing.

The next two chapters will be significantly lighter, for better or for worse.

* * *

**December 23, 2012**

Eleya's eyes darted around the room. Her pistol was lying on the floor only a short distance away, and she still had her biotics. If she could-

"Don't even think about it," Shepard warned, pressing her own weapon into the asari's exposed neck.

Tossing the asari on what was left of a table, she smashed the grip of her pistol down onto the back of her neck, knocking her unconscious and shattering the wood beneath. She restrained the asari with zip ties (they needed to start making those again).

"Package is secure," Shepard reported, slinging the dead weight over her shoulder. "Let's get the hell out of-"

A burst of gunfire forced them down into cover. "Fuck! Why can't things ever be simple?"

"Who's shooting at us?" Tali asked from behind her.

"It's the insurgents," Rodney informed them. "Iraq is crawling with them."

"They don't pose that much of a threat," Shepard reassured them. "Let's just get the hell out of here before they try something stupid. Colonel, you got that?"

"Got it. On our way to the exfil site."

They backed out the way they came, out the door and down the hallway.

"Allahu akhbar!" a terrorist shouted, waving his AK-47 in the air. Shepard shot him and blew out his head.

They ran back to the extraction site where the jumpers were waiting and boarded. As the door closed behind them, Shepard mused, "Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

* * *

"So, do you want to take good cop or bad cop?" Sheppard asked Shepard.

She paused for a moment. "Bad cop. She knows what I can do when I'm sufficiently motivated."

"All right, let's do this. If it doesn't work, well, there's always Ronon." Together, they entered the interrogation room. The asari was fully awake and doing a good job of hiding the pain that coursed through her body. She turned and watched them close the door behind them.

"Hi, I'm Colonel Sheppard, and this is-"

"Commander Shepard. I know. The whole fucking galaxy knows." She turned to the Commander. "You think you're so great, but all you've done is destroy the natural order of the galaxy."

The two interrogators shared a look. Shepard retreated, leaning up against the back wall and Sheppard taking a seat. He handed the blue woman a glass of water, which she ignored. "You should really drink that."

"Why? To get a truth serum into me?"

John shrugged. "Well, know, because you're thirsty."

He leaned forward. "The current date is December 23, 2012. Look, I know this may be hard for you to grasp, but you aren't even in the same reality anymore."

"What?" There was shock in her eyes. "No, you're lying!"

"Something weird happened with your FTL drive- I don't pretend to understand. Somehow, you dropped out and crashed into our Earth. You're among the last of your kind in the galaxy."

"So this is true, so what? Am I supposed to cooperate now?"

Another shrug. "The circumstances have changed, Miss T'avari. Whatever issues you had in your old universe don't matter anymore. And if you cooperate, your crimes won't matter anymore either."

"What do you want?" the asari asked. It was a neutral question, and it was obvious she wanted answers too.

"Obviously you weren't working alone. We counted eight bodies. Are there more?"

"Maybe." It was about a non-committal answer as could be.

"And what were you planning?"

"Everything and nothing."

He folded his fingers on the table. "Why?"

The question took her by surprise. "Why what?"

"What you're doing, whatever it is. Why are you doing it?"

"How much do you know about our universe, Sheppard?" Eleya asked. Without waiting, she added, "What? Didn't your twincestor fill you in?"

Jane removed a knife from her waist and began absentmindedly flipping it through the air. He smiled and tilted his head. "Enlighten me."

"When your kind came onto the galactic scene, they fucked everything up," the asari explained simply. "Within a few decades, the balance of galactic power shifted. Because of one so-called hero, your species gained Council membership before the elcor or the hanar or countless others. A few years later, the quarians are back on their homeworld, the genophage is gone and the _rachni_ have come back."

"I don't see how this is a problem, to be honest. Change happens." Oh boy, he knew where this was going.

"Your species is too impulsive and irrational. The quarians screwed themselves, it's not up to anybody to fix that. The krogan are a danger to the entire galaxy. Don't you see? Centuries of peace, destroyed in just a few years."

He switched topics. "Okay, so what are you trying to do about it?"

There was a grin on Eleya's face. "Nope, sorry. I'll give you as much ideology as you want, but you don't get anything on our operations."

Sheppard sighed. This wasn't going to work. "Excuse me, I have to step outside for a moment."

Before he closed the door, he called, "Oh, and you should really be nice to the Commander. She has this ability to channel Jack Bauer when she's angry."

As soon as the door closed, Jane stepped forward and drove the knife through the steel table. "All right, guess we have to do this the hard way."

"Uh, you aren't really going to-"

"I'll ask nicely, _once_," Jane hissed into the asari's ear. She bellowed, "What the fuck are you planning?"

She remained silent, and Jane drove her head into the table. "Nobody's going to come for you. You're stuck here until you either answer or die!"

Despite the pain, Eleya smiled. "It doesn't matter. We planned for contingencies like this. You can still look forward to watching thousands, maybe millions, of your people immolated."

Jane grabbed the asari and smashed her head into the table again. "Where's the fucking bomb?!"

"Even if I knew where it was, I wouldn't tell you."

"Fuck it." With one last smash, she left the room.

* * *

"When I said bad cop, I didn't mean actually beating her up," Sheppard whispered to the Commander.

"I know." Shepard sighed. "I just... sometimes I get pissed off, I lose it. It's not like I'm out of control, not really. I just think the benefits outweigh the consequences. People who cross me... let's just say bad things tend to happen to them."

She paused. "Besides, it's Christmas."

"You know that's supposed to be a happy holiday, right?"

"Not for me," she replied darkly.

"Care to explain?"

"No."

Before John could question her, General O'Neill walked into the briefing room and sat down at the head of the table. "Ahhh... So what have we got?"

"A bomb," Commander Shepard stated simply. "Somewhere on Earth."

"Was it on your ship?"

"It _was_."

"If it was on the Normandy, we would have found it," the Colonel added. "Meaning either they left it in orbit, or it crashed somewhere on Earth."

* * *

Crossing the crime scene tape into a sealed off corner of the Annapolis grounds, the four investigators flashed their badges at the armed Marines and contracted guards.

"We already secured the area and called in the EOD techs," one of them stated.

"And what did they say?" one of the NCIS investigators asked. He was an older man, with well greyed hair.

Another Marine, wearing most of a bomb vest, told him, "That we've never seen anything like it, sir."

"Is it safe?"

"As far as we can tell," she replied. "But we have no idea what it is or where it came from."

He bent down to examine the object. It was a large grey pod, burnt black and buried halfway in a crater in the earth. A side panel was open, revealing the device- a short, sausage shaped silver casing surrounded by square grey containers. Several wires were hanging out of an access port- presumably that was how they deactivated it.

Deciding he had enough, the investigator stood up and said to one of the others, "It sure as hell isn't someone's weekend project. No, this is professional. Inform Homeland Security. We've got a terrorist bomb here."

"How did they get it here? And why not just detonate it?" the female agent asked.

"That's what we're going to find out."


	11. December 24

A bit lighter tone this time. Hey, it's Christmas!

One more chapter, then we're done for the year.

What did I change in this chapter? I'm sure at least one of you will find it...

* * *

**December 24, 2012 (Christmas Eve)**

"I hate Christmas. I goddamn motherfucking hate Christmas."

"That's your excuse for violating the Geneva Convention and several American laws."

"Yes."

O'Neill sighed. "Why do you hate Christmas so much? It's supposed to be the happiest time of the year! Everyone running out buying each other presents, chestnuts roasting over an open fire-"

Shepard leaned over the table. "And watching your parents die! Your brother die! Running through the streets, watching the sky fall on top of you. Santa and his dwarves lying in pools of their own blood. Then watching it happen all over again, except this time you're fighting to keep the same thing from happening to everyone else. I won't even go into the Reapers-"

She apologized, "Sorry. It's- I always get kind of unstable this time of year."

"I understand." Memories of operations long forgotten and officially unsanctioned still invaded his mind periodically, along with the nightmares of the Goa'uld, the Ori, the Replicators- damn, he was a serious basket case.

"General, you may carry out whatever punishment you deem appropriate," Shepard told him, straightening her back. "What I did was out of line, inappropriate, and unprofessional. I let my personal feelings interfere with my job. I ask only that you punish only me and not my crew."

O'Neill shook his head. "You're a fish out of temporal water. You've got demons. And it worked. Just... try to mellow a bit."

* * *

"Shit!" Ashley suddenly exclaimed, causing the rest of the crew lounging in their designated area to turn their heads.

"What is it?" Garrus asked.

"I forgot to buy the Skipper a present. Oh man, she's gonna be so pissed."

"Shepard doesn't even like Exmas," Tali reminded her.

"Yeah, but she's done so much... I feel like I just wanna give back, you know? And it's in my blood. Every year, I buy everyone close to me a present." She looked around. "Shit, I didn't get _any_ presents this year."

"I remembered to get everyone a present," Kasumi said.

"And by get she means steal," Garrus whispered in Tali's ear, eliciting a not-so-slight laugh.

Kasumi placed her hands on her hips. "I'll have you know I purchased every one of those gifts legitimately, with money I may or may not have acquired legitimately... mostly. Look, it's very difficult for a thief to quit the business. Besides, I destroyed most of them and left the rest on the Normandy."

She paused. "I wonder what the scientists think that toy is supposed to be... oh well."

"I... it's not traditional for my people to buy gifts for special occasions," Tali mentioned. "We simply share what we have. The only thing we have is the Pilgrimage. I'm still learning the traditions of other races.

"But now you've made _me_ feel bad for not getting Shepard anything, you bosh'tet!" She threw a pillow at the marine, who swiftly dodged.

"I, ah, we have something similar on Palaven," Garrus admitted. "But I mostly forgot about it once I left for the Citadel."

"I am familiar with the holiday," Liara told them. "But I did not realize that it was still actively celebrated. The asari give gifts for many occasions, but most of them are specific in nature."

"So basically, nobody got Shepard anything for Exmas," Miranda concluded. "We should rectify that situation immediately. It may improve her mood enough for her not to attempt to kill us."

* * *

"God, I hate last minute shopping."

"Tell me about it," Kasumi replied. "What do you get the discerning Commander?"

"I don't know," Ash shrugged. "I would have bought her a gun, but apparently you can't do that here."

"I would like to know how you convinced General O'Neill to allow us off base," Miranda interrupted.

Another shrug. "I just told him the truth."

As they rounded the corner into another isle of the metropolis of Wal-Mart, Ashley suddenly stopped. The rest of the group almost walked into her. She stood almost absolutely still, staring at the small boxes on the shelf.

Through the comm link, Garrus summed up their feeling almost perfectly. "That... we have to get her those."

* * *

"Is that the Air Force?" Special Agent Timothy McGee asked as three uniformed figures strode toward their crime scene. They were right in front of the tape and still coming. "Sir, this is a crime scene-"

Climbing through the tape, a grey-haired Lieutenant General told him, "I know."

"Sir, in most cases-"

"It's alright," Senior Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs told him, waving the group through. "They called ahead. Comes right from the top."

"It's nice having connections," the General quipped.

A look of recognition crossed the senior investigator's face. "Jack?"

"Jethro." A pointed look.

"How the hell did you ever make it to General?"

"I wish I could tell you, but it's classified."

McGee asked, "And how you know each other is-"

"Also classified," they replied at the same time.

Jack motioned to the two women in his group, a taller redhead and a shorter brunette. "Girls."

"Yes, sir." They climbed down into the pit with the device in it and began poking into its interior.

"They're not going to set it off, are they?" Gibbs asked.

Jack waved it off. "Nah. Shepard and Williams know what they're doing."

"How's the world treating you these days, Jack?" the retired Marine asked as the two women worked down in the pit. A Colonel with messy hair and lopsided grin stood beside the General. Seeing the two were old friends that wanted to catch up, he took a few steps back and turned to observe the two women working on the bomb.

He shrugged. "This one isn't too bad."

"How's Sara?"

"Divorced," O'Neill replied, swallowing the bile rising in his throat. He still had nightmares. "I can tell you all about it, but not now. It's not a happy story."

Having his own unhappy story, Gibbs simply nodded. "Anyone else?"

"It's complicated."

"Well, it's probably not going to blow up and kill us, at least not in the foreseeable future," the redhead announced from her position beside the bomb, interrupting their increasingly awkward conversation. She motioned to a truck that had pulled up during their conversation, and it carefully backed up toward them.

"Oh, that's reassuring," the voice of Special Agent Tony DiNozzo called.

"Mind telling me who that is?"

"That's Colonel Shepard," he told the investigator before motioning to the other Air Force man. "And that's... Colonel Shepard. No relation."

"Ah," Gibbs replied, catching on. Behind them, chains rustled as the two women began lifting the bomb out of the ground and onto the flat bed of the truck. "I'm not going to get their real names, am I?"

"Classified."

"And that big bomb you're pulling out of the ground?" he asked, changing to the subject at hand.

"Classified."

"That's it?" Gibbs asked. "Jack, come on. At least give me something."

"Sorry, Jethro. All I can tell you is that there are powers at work beyond your... nope, too cliche. Let's just say that there's some pretty big events going on that you don't even know about. Some really whacked-out shit."

"Hey! What about my crime scene? What about the giant bomb that somehow got into Annapolis?"

"Homeworld Security's working on it," Jack replied, pausing at the truck's door.

"Don't you mean Home_land_ Security?" Gibbs corrected.

"I know what I said," Jack called, shutting the door.

* * *

Ashley surveyed the mess that their living quarters before. Garrus and Tali, the Normandy's favourite couple (Joker and EDI had lost out after the Burrito Incident), were sitting in the centre of the room. They were surrounded by ripped and torn wrapping paper. Garrus had managed to tape two of his talons together, and Tali was currently trying to cut through the tough silver-grey tape with her boot knife. She had several pieces of clear tape attached to her visor. "You've never wrapped presents before, have you?"

"No," Tali sheepishly admitted.

She finished sawing through the tape, and Garrus pulled his talons free. "Thanks, Tali."

He turned to the human. "Yeah, I'm beginning to understand why we don't use wrapping paper on Palaven."

Ashley sighed and sat down. "Move aside. This is a job for a human. Sorry, but three fingers just isn't going to cut it."

"Asari have five fingers, too," Garrus pointed out.

She ignored him and announced in a mock-serious tone. "I will not allow a sub-standard gift to be delivered to Commander Shepard, not on my watch!"

In a not-so-mock serious voice, she added, "At least one thing can go right."


	12. December 25

Some Christmas cheer for you all. This is mostly light, with a sad story mixed in.

I may do a New Year's epilogue again. I'm also thinking of writing a Valentine's Day fic that will be a continuation of this one.

* * *

"Carter! How'd it go?" O'Neill asked as soon as the Colonel appeared, seemingly (okay, _actually_) out of thin air.

She shrugged. "Not bad, sir. The Lucian Alliance was already gone when we got there. All we did was pick up the pieces."

"Any interesting doohickeys?"

She shook her head. "Unfortunately, no."

"Well, maybe next time, Carter," he replied apologetically. He paused. "Hey, Carter, do you know what day it is?"

"Yes, sir. Christmas."

"Do you know what that means?"

"Yes, sir. I'll be there."

* * *

"Shepard, isn't there some human saying about a cabin out in the woods?" Garrus asked as they trudged up the dirt path to the secluded cottage.

"Not that I know of," she replied. "Plenty of stories, but I don't know about any actual _sayings_."

"I can't believe we're crashing their party," Garrus pressed. "I mean, they last time you crashed a party..."

"I blew up the place. I know," she dismissed. "This is different. We're here to have fun. Besides, General Laundry's orders."

"Orders? Since when did you take orders?" Williams asked.

"I think it's pretty clear at this point that we're not going home," Shepard replied. "Not for Christmas, maybe not ever. We're going to have to work with these people."

"So... we're crashing their party."

"I _don't_ have a shotgun, but I agree with Ashley. This seems like a very bad idea."

"Relax, it'll be fine," Shepard reassured the quarian (and the rest of her group). She rapped sharply on the door, leaving a few dents and cracks in the wood. "Oops."

"Oops what... the hell are you doing here?" General O'Neill asked, opening the door.

"What is it, Jack?" a voice called from inside the house.

"The aliens," he called back in reply.

"To which aliens are you referring to?"

"The new ones!"

"Are you just going to let a lady stand outside and freeze?" Shepard asked.

"If she's a lady, then I'm the Queen of England," Ashley whispered to Garrus, who nodded in agreement.

O'Neill sighed. "No, I suppose not. Who put you up to this?"

"General Laundry," Shepard replied, stepping inside.

"Who?"

"General _Landry_," she repeated, hoping she got the pronunciation right this time.

"Ah. Of course." He motioned for them to sit in the already-crowded living room. "I'm sure you've all met each other."

Shepard nodded. "I never apologized for knocking you out and tying you up."

Mitchell shrugged. "Well, it could have been worse. You could have locked us in the truck and then blown up the car."

"As in the Canadian film Bon Cop, Bad Cop," Teal'c explained.

"Yeah, I'll just go with what he said."

"Do you always invite alien guests for team nights?" Vala asked Daniel.

"No, I've explained to you, Jonas was one of our old teammates."

"And these people are here why? It's a bunch of creepy aliens and insane people from another planet."

"You know I can hear you through this helmet," Tali said from right beside her. "Why does everyone assume it makes me deaf?"

"I never assumed you were deaf," Garrus flirted, drawing closer.

Vala leaned over to whisper something into Daniel's ear. He recoiled sharpely, nearly shouting, "Vala, no! Absolutely- just, ugh!"

"What? All I suggested was that-" Seeing the death glares she was receiving from everyone in the room, she backed off. "All right, fine. Have it your way."

"Uh, I know this may or may not be the best time for this, but..." Ashley removed a small box, wrapped in deep blue paper with snowmen on it, from her jacket and handed it to the Commander. "It's from all of us, Commander. For everything you've done over the years. We would have got you something nicer, but... uh, most of us don't celebrate Christmas and I only remembered yesterday."

"Oh, it's... it's... what the hell? I mean, it's- He's- I'm- a..." _Uh-oh._ She was sure the Commander would never pick up her jaw off the floor.

She did, and smiled. "Thanks. All of you. It's great."

* * *

The fire was burning low, and they were all a bit looser due to the spiked egg nog. Leaning forward, mug in her hands, Shepard told them, "You know, I never wanted to join the Alliance as a kid. It was my brother who wanted to be the soldier."

"Shepard, you have a brother?" Tali asked. Why hadn't she heard this?

"Had," Shepard corrected sadly. "He was killed along with my parents... on Mindoir."

"I'm sorry."

"What was he like, Shepard?" Garrus asked quietly.

She shook her head sadly. "Nothing like me. Black hair, blue eyes, couldn't talk worth a damn. You know what's really fucked about that? We were twins. Non-identical, obviously, but still..."

She took a swig of her egg nog (which by now was mostly rum). "He was a bit of a renegade, tended to do some dangerous and stupid shit. I mean, he thought it was funny at the time- hell, I thought it was funny at the time. Like when we stole the Governor's aircar, flew it at twice the speed limit, graffitied the hell out of it and crashed it into his house."

"Commander, I didn't know you could do anything that dumb," Ashley commented. Her cheeks were flushed red with alcohol, discarded bottles of beer sitting next to her. An orange flew off Daniel's nose and landed on her. She tossed it back.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." Another gulp. "My brother, he was the ambitious one, the strong one. I mean, I wasn't a girly girl- it just doesn't happen in a military family. But I was going to go off to college, get some degree in arts or economics or some other useless shit, and live an unimportant life doing the same crap over and over day after day, maybe marry some douchebag and have some brat kids.

"No, it was John, always John, who wanted to be a hero. Maybe he watched too many old movies, I dunno. Dad certainly wasn't encouraging him. I remember what he said. I think we were fourteen, fifteen maybe. Just learned about Spectres. We're walking home, John turns to me, and he says, 'I'm gonna be a Spectre. That's my dream. It'll be fucking great.' Those exact words."

"He died five minutes into the attack, and I became the first human Spectre." She looked up. "Well, now that I've ruined Christmas with a sad story, who wants more spiked egg nog?"

* * *

The fire had completely died, and most of them had fallen asleep. Nobody actually had a chance to go to bed, so they were sprawled out everywhere. Garrus and Tali were leaning on each other, mandibles flaring and helmet-light blinking in time with each other. Joker was lying on top of EDI, who had suspended after unsuccessfully attempting to wake the pilot without breaking him in half. Ashley was on the floor, Liara on the dining table, Kasumi was nowhere to be seen, Miranda was under the wooden coffee table.

It was the way the locals had naturally settled that unsettled her. Vala and Daniel, despite their earlier outburst, had fallen asleep _tangled together_. Carter was leaning against O'Neill, who had one arm around her, a slight smile on her lips. Only Mitchell was alone, and he looked like he had fallen over and passed out from the alcohol.

"Merry Christmas," Shepard whispered before closing her eyes and drifting to sleep.

* * *

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year, everyone! Thank you for reading and reviewing.


End file.
